Rise of the Runelords
Stab "Stabs" Stabbington
A gentlemanly fellow with an unfortunate heritage and a lopsided grin.
Stab “Stabs” Stabbington has the tragic misfortune to be born of a union between goblin and woman, and by all accounts neither of them are still alive. Still, Stabbington tries to make his way in the world any way that he can by his own wits and a dozen pointy objects.
An Interview with Stabbington: One Hundred Questions!
1 What is your full name? The name is Stab “Stabs” Stabbington. Stabbing’s the name and, well, stabbing’s the game.
2 Where and when were you born? My early memories are not what they should be, but I’m pretty sure I was born in Brinestump Marsh. I remember there being a cage.
3 Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.) I don’t know all that much about my parentage, to be honest. I never really knew what my mom’s name was, and neither did my dad. My dad’s name was Stabs, I know that much. My mom…well, by all accounts, I chewed my way out of my mom, and she died not long after. It’s unfortunate, but that’s just how the dice fall, you know?
4 Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? I’m an only child, as far as I know. Mom may have had other children before me; I don’t know. Even if she did, and even if I could find them, I’m pretty sure they’d have nothing to do with me. I’m pretty sure dad had some gruntlings as well, but I wouldn’t know.
5 Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. Well, I lived in Sandpoint for just a little while, but being an almost hideously deformed guy, I got beat up a lot. That’s how I learned how to disappear. Nowadays, I live in Magnamar, an incredibly cosmopolitan place. I can disappear easier here, and I can make a decent living as well. I like that it’s a big city where anything can happen.
6 What is your occupation? I’m an adventurer, more or less. I make my living on the road, and I’m fairly knowledgeable when it comes to dungeons and the like. I lived in one after Sandpoint for a bit, just to hone my craft. You’ll never see anyone deadlier with a knife, that’s for sure!
7 Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.
Well, I’m pretty deformed because of my goblin blood. I’ve got the beady eyes and the razor sharp teeth and megamouth of a goblin. I kind of hunch a bit, and I’ve got stubbly legs and oversized arms. A lot of times, I have to walk around like a gorilla. I’ve got pretty musclely legs arms, too. I like to keep my red hair shaved, though- I can only grow one thick patch directly on the top of my head, and it’s baby-fine.
8 To which social class do you belong?
The Adventurer social class. I’ve seen enough in the city to learn that you’ve got your broke ass people, your rich people, and the people who want to make their own way in the world. That’d be me.
9 Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?
I friggin’ hate horses and dogs. I’m not that fond of goblin dogs, either. Otherwise, I’m not really allergic to anything, except pointed objects. And fire.
10 Are you right- or left-handed?
I like to think I’ve always got the right hand for the job.
11 What does your voice sound like?
Well, I hear tell that my voice is a little rough. I’ve always had some problems with it, mostly because of injuries I suffered when I was younger. It’s all good, though. I like to let my actions talk louder than my words. Most of the time.
12 What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?
I usually begin most stories with “There I was…” because, well, I was there! Sometimes, I’ll always go with, “Hey, I was gonna eat that kitty!” Just kidding on that last one. Sometimes.
13 What do you have in your pockets?
Well, let’s see… here’s a knife, and here’s another one. Oh, here’s another knife that I took off that dead guy who wasn’t using it at the time…ah, and here’s my favorite knife right here. Killed me thirty goblins with this sucker….then there’s this bit of cheese that used to be something else, I think. More knives in this pocket here…here’s a turtle shell in this one. I eat my soup out of that.
14 Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?
I exist, which is incredibly annoying to most people that live and breathe- and those that don’t live and breathe generally have a problem with me, too. I do try to be nice and civil to everyone, to the point of learning some basic manners. I may not bow and curtsy as well as your typical spineless noble, but I like to think I know when to keep my trap shut.
Part 2: Growing Up
15 How would you describe your childhood in general?
Honestly, a little lonely and pretty damn rough. I was pretty much raised until the age of three in the Licktoad village, and then I just wandered into Sandpoint and ate scraps and cooked dead rats (and other things) until I was about seven. After that, I was old enough to get picked on by the older kids in the village, and I got the crap kicked out of me a lot. That’s enough of that, though- I’m getting’ all weepy over here just thinking about it.
16 What is your earliest memory?
Feeling full and having a lot of gore in my mouth. There was screaming and crying, and not of all it was me.
17 How much schooling have you had?
Nothing formal. I grew up on the streets, doing what every goblin-faced kid had to do to make it. None of that included being cooped up with a bunch of people that would most likely beat me to death. I don’t imagine the kids would have been any better- tastier, maybe, but not better.
18 Did you enjoy school?
You don’t pay attention a whole lot, do you?
19 Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?
On the road, mostly. In back alleys and the dungeons surrounding the Hinterlands. Life in the dungeon isn’t so bad- I can understand why all the freaks gather there. Not many goblins or oozes live in Magnimar, you know?
20 While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.
Well, not really. Not a single person. I looked up to people who were able to get by on their wits and a sharp object, traveling from one place to another. I wanted that for myself, and I got it. It’s my favorite part of this life.
21 While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?
I don’t really visit the Licktoads. They hate me, and I tend to stab them with my favorite goblins-skewing knife. I’m pretty sure any more human family I might have wouldn’t want anything to do with me.
22 As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Alive. I thought it would be really awesome to be alive when I grow up. I’ve got a couple of years left, so we’ll see if I make it.
23 As a child, what were your favorite activities?
Being alive. Learning the finer points of cooking rat stew. Stabbing things, mostly food, but I’ve stabbed a couple bullies in my lifetime.
24 As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?
Mostly fear. I like to think that a healthy dose of fear is good for you- keeps you on your toes! I’ve always been curious, though. I like to get myself in trouble sometimes, just to see if I can get out again.
25 As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?
Yeah, right. You’re kidding on this one, right? No, I wasn’t popular, and no I didn’t have friends. I still don’t have “friends”, but there are people who are friendly towards me- in much the same way people are friendly to a dog they think might attack them if they don’t make that gods-awful cooing noise. Blech.
26 When and with whom was your first kiss?
27 Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?
Oh yeah, I’ll probably be a virgin until I die. Not just because of how I look, either- hell, there are prostitutes who I could’ve paid off for the privilege. Even a wretch like me shouldn’t just have to pay for it. To that end, I’ve taken to wearing this silver ring around my ring-finger, a “purity” ring of sorts. If I ever find the right thing in my life, then it’ll come off- but only if I find that special girl.
28 If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.
I’d like to think I’m pretty damn far away from being normal. But even through getting bullied, beat up, pissed on, and drug through the mud, I’d like to think I came out of the ordeal pretty well adjusted. Sure, I still have the urge to stab a stupid child every now and again- but who doesn’t? I’m getting along just fine as an Adventurer, and I think that’s where I’ll stay for a while.
Part 3: Past Influences
29 What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?
Learning a set of bankable skills has served me quite well, actually. One day, it all just fell together- stabbing people, skill sets, talents…it swirled together in this mish-mash and I had an apostrophe…no, I think that’s epiphany. Yeah, epiphany. Anyway, once I had it all down, my whole life just got better. I could leave Sandpoint and travel, crawl around in dungeons (my favorite!), or even disappear on the city streets and steal the occasional apple.
30 Who has had the most influence on you?
Those people who live by their wits and their sharp objects. Many of them wouldn’t even let me get close to them, so I hid while I watched them. Oh, I’m pretty sure they knew some ugly kid was watching them, but none ever complained. Could it have been because I was being sneaky? Maybe. I just know that I’m grateful to them for letting me learn so much from them.
31 What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Learning how to defend myself and survive on my own. It has allowed me a flexibility that I had never known previously in my life, and that satisfies me.
32 What is your greatest regret?
I don’t really have any regrets. So far, so good. I’ve done nothing that bothers me.
33 What is the most evil thing you have ever done?
I’ve killed people. Many would consider that pretty evil, even if it is in self-defense. But I’ve learned in my life that you can’t just leave your enemies alive and expect things to turn out all sunshine and farts.
34 Do you have a criminal record of any kind?
Well, I look like a goblin and keep to the shadows. For a lot of the lawkeepers in Magnimar and in Sandpoint, that’s enough. But no, I have stolen things, maimed people for money- my criminal history is well deserved, and I can admit that.
35 When was the time you were the most frightened?
When I was younger, I was always afraid that, if I went to sleep, I would never wake up again, and I never knew when I was going to eat again. It wasn’t like there were people lining up around the block to take me in, and I knew that nobody had quite that much pity. As a kid, I was afraid of a lot of things. I’m just glad that I’m well past that phase in my life, even if I wake up sometimes and think that I’m five again…
36 What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?
A group of bigger kids pulled my loincloth down in front of some of the girls in the village, who laughed at me because I was, um, different by an awful lot. Sure, if they could see me now, they wouldn’t really laugh…but I don’t really concern myself with that stuff. I’ve got far more things to be concerned about in my life than what people think of me.
37 If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?
Sometimes I think I’d change the fact that I was born in the first place. So much tragedy and heartache could be averted if I just gave up in the womb. But really, it would be to have someone to learn from early on, to maybe have some food, shelter, and clothes for those first few years of my life. That’s silly, I know- if I had all these things, I wouldn’t be the hideously-deformed-yet-charming individual that I am today. I’d probably be somebody’s pet monster or something.
38 What is your best memory?
Using the money from my first adventuring raid- a small dungeon between Sandpoint and the Old Light that was little better than an underground house- to pay for room and board for a week! I was able to sleep and eat in peace, with no one to beat me up or tell me how friggin’ ugly I was. For me, that was the best day of my whole life so far. Sure, I’ve managed to keep myself busy and I’ve got enough money to stay in taverns for probably the rest of my life…but nothing beats that first day, that moment of wonder and abject relief that meant I didn’t have to sleep out in the rain or cold anymore. Though sometimes I do like to sleep outdoors. I don’t know why. It’s weird.
39 What is your worst memory?
The very last time the Sandpoint Village kids beat me up, they beat me so badly I had a couple of cracked teeth and a pair of floating ribs. I was tired, hungry, bruised, and broken. I had no money, and I didn’t want anyone’s pity. I would rather have died! I slunk off towards the Old Light, wanting only to just die and spare myself the trouble.
Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions
40 Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?
Basically? An optimist. Things could always be worse, after all.
41 What is your greatest fear?
A horse the size of a Terrasque.
42 What are your religious views?
Usually, when I’m in a temple, I’ll bow my head, and I’ll get a pretty good view of the temple’s religious figure’s sandals, boots, or bare feet. And honestly, that’s as close as I’d like to get to it. I’ve seen what people do for religion.
43 What are your political views?
It’s true what the scholars say in Varisia- That Politics is made up of two Thassilonian words. The first one is Poli, which means a lot. The next word is ticks, which means blood sucking creatures. You put them together and…yeah, that about explains it all, doesn’t it?
44 What are your views on sex?
I’ve viewed sex before, and it kind of…baffles me. Yeah, I get the urges that most guys my age do (or any age for that matter), but it means almost nothing to me. I like hiding close to the town square in Magnimar and trying to guess at what type of girl that I think I would like. So far, I think I’d like athletic girls, but I’m not really sure. I haven’t had any girl take an interest to me yet, so I have no idea what it would really be like in the moment.
45 Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?
Yeah, I’ll kill. I find killing actual people to be distasteful, but I’ll do it for the Greater Good (or if they piss me off). I’m afraid that if I don’t find some sort of happy medium, though, it’ll turn me evil. I think I’d like evil way too much, so I’m kind of shying away from it.
46 In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?
Controlling someone’s mind. I hate people that do that, and I can’t imagine the sentiment is the same with regular people too.
47 Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?
I’d like to say no, but the truth is, I think there’s someone out there for everyone; you just have to get out there and find them. Some people, though, are perfectly happy just living alone. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have to learn to be the sort of person that just has to go it alone.
48 What do you believe makes a successful life?
Being successful at your chosen vocation, whatever it is. I think that’s the only way to really be happy in life. But then again, I’m only 16; what do I know?
49 How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?
I like to think I’m fairly honest with my feelings, but sometimes you just can’t tell people how you really feel at all. For instance, if I told the merchant’s daughter across the way that I really liked her, all I’d get is a look on her face like she was about to throw up. Better to keep my trap shut, and see her beautiful face without that twisted nonsense.
50 Do you have any biases or prejudices?
I friggin’ hate horses and dogs! More horses than dogs, though. Do they have to be such uppity bastards? As far as people are concerned, I’ve learned to take my allies where I can find them, be they half-orc or snotty noble girl (yes there is a story there, and no, I don’t want to talk about it!).
51 Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?
I refuse to kill my friends, or even anyone remotely positively associated with me. That’s the line, right there. Don’t even ask; it’ll get you a knife in the throat for your trouble.
52 Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?
I…don’t really know. I suppose I’d rather die than give up my freedom, but I don’t know that I’d just die for a person. I don’t. Know.
Part 5: Relationships With Others
53 In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?
I like to be polite in front of people I don’t know, even if I still get scorned either way. I warm up to people I get to know well- or I imagine I would, if I ever knew anyone well enough.
54 Who is the most important person in your life, and why?
Currently, I’m the most important person in my life. Without me, I could honestly say I wouldn’t be here. I worked really hard to get to Magnimar, too!
55 Who is the person you respect the most, and why?
I don’t really disrespect anyone I come across, unless they insist on being a giant asscrack to me. But I don’t have anyone in my life that I would respect more than myself right now in any case. I don’t mean to sound like a jerk, but it’s true.
56 Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.
I had a pet lizard for a while, Lizzario bella strada Vestini I called him, something I got out of a book. He was a good friend, but he’s the only real friend I’ve ever had. Even the most polite and forgiving soul tends to shy away from me. It’s okay, though- I understand the sentiment.
57 Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.
Nope. I’m a thriving bachelor, and I probably will be my whole life. I find that I can live with that, though.
58 Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.
I have no idea. From what I’ve read, love is more than just a physical reaction to a member of the opposite sex. So far, I’ve only had physical reactions to women, so I don’t think I’ve really been in love- whatever that is.
59 What do you look for in a potential lover?
Whoa! We’re getting a little ahead of ourselves aren’t we?! I don’t even know what to look for in people I like! I think I’d prefer a little companionship before anything else. I’d like to know someone before I just do whatever with them!
60 How close are you to your family?
I’m pretty sure my parents are dead, and if there are any siblings on either side, I don’t think they’d give a damn about me. That’s fine by me, though. I don’t mind being a solitary creature.
61 Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?
Nope, no family for me, unless you count my very favorite knives.
62 Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?
Currently? No one. I don’t know anyone like that, but I want to think that if someone really needed my help, I’d give it.
63 Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?
I trust me to protect me. I’d have a hard time trusting anyone but me to have my back. But one day, I want to find someone like that.
64 If you died or went missing, who would miss you?
No one would miss me, and sometimes, I think I like that better.
65 Who is the person you despise the most, and why?
The most? That’s a tough one. I don’t really hate a person just to hate; I’ve got better things to do with my time. I also don’t waste too much time on self-loathing, but if I have to choose someone, it would be me, because I’m a bit of an asshole.
66 Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?
Oh, I don’t like to argue too much, but I don’t really avoid conflict so much as I wait for it to pass by and slice it up into edible chunks while no one is watching.
67 Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?
Nope. I stay away from social situations as much as possible because I’m always awkward and they never turn out well in my favor.
68 Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?
I do, because in a large group of people, you can get lost or get rich…or both.
69 Do you care what others think of you?
Not really. I think those types of feelings died in Sandpoint at the hands of the ugly, fat, pink children who beat on me. I could care less what others think about me; my own opinion of myself is what balances my accounts (and huge piles of cash, too).
Part 6: Likes And Dislikes
70 What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?
Relaxing, perhaps reading a book. Reading is a little difficult for me, but I do enjoy watching how the words on the page form a cohesive sentence, which forms a larger paragraph, and so on. I prefer adventure stories to just about everything else, the more outlandish the better. I do have an aversion to writing things myself though, and will only do so in the direst of circumstances, or if I think I can tell a good story- the old goblin blood runs true on that one for some reason.
71 What is your most treasured possession?
My life. I’ve gone to great lengths to own my own life, to not be indebted to anyone over it. I want to keep it that way.
72 What is your favorite color?
I like orange, but I don’t wear it well. Black’s a copout- it’s hardly a color at all. I think I can wear blue all right, but depending on the color I think it clashes with my mottled greenish brown skin.
73 What is your favorite food?
Baked and breaded macaroni and cheese with basil and olive oil. Sure, it’s not burnt rat, but I find that I do like some luxury in my food these days.
74 What, if anything, do you like to read?
I mostly look at the pictures, but I do like adventure stories. You ever hear the story of the Starstone? Or what about the pirates of Riddleport? Those are some of my favorites! I love to read about wandering adventurers, too.
75 What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?
A heaping plate of macaroni, a pretty girl singing about anything in the corner, and letting my thoughts drift towards the next big adventure.
76 Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?
Not really. I wouldn’t even know how to enjoy setting my lungs on fire or making myself crazy for no reason. I hear it is really popular, though.
77 How do you spend a typical Saturday night?
I like to clean the blood off my tunic and count my gold pieces, maybe have a hot bath if I feel I’ve earned it. If there’s a pub, I’ll trade stories anyone who will listen.
78 What makes you laugh?
Stupid jokes, mostly. “Two adventurers find a red dragon in his cave with his nose firmly in crotch, licking his own nuts. One adventurer says, ‘Man, I wish I could do that.’, and the other one says, ‘No, he’d bite you.’ You know crap like that.
79 What, if anything, shocks or offends you?
I still find watching fat kids pick on skinny kids offensive, and it tempts me every so often to put a knife in the kid’s throat. I hate that shit. Otherwise, I haven’t really come across anything that really shocks me. Mind you, I’m the guy that ate his way out of his mother’s belly.
80 What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?
I’d go down to the tavern and have just enough grog to buzz me, but not make me drunk, and I’d hope they’d have a pretty songstress there, too. If I’m on my own, I tend to exercise or explore to get back to sleep.
81 How do you deal with stress?
What stress? My life seems to be working itself out now that I have the power to defend myself. I have the patience to wait, and I don’t always need everything right now. For now, I’m good.
82 Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?
Sometimes having a plan of attack can save your life- otherwise, I just sort of live life by the seat of my pants, so to speak. I don’t plan out my days or my life, just my dungeon crawls and my brushes with the law.
83 What are your pet peeves?
I actually haven’t had a pet peeve in a year or two, not since I heard they outlawed them in Magnimar.
Part 7: Self Images And Etc.
84 Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?
I don’t really have a normal routine in my daily life, except to say that I like to wake up and eat, and exercise before I go to bed. Everything else just tends to happen on its own. I pretty much go with the flow of the day at hand; I don’t like to worry too much about what may or may not happen.
85 What is your greatest strength as a person?
I like to think my adaptability is my greatest strength, as well as my breadth of knowledge. I’m not afraid to jump in and fight with someone if the cause is right, but overall I like the fact that I’ve got the imagination to want to better myself and the big ball sack to get it done.
86 What is your greatest weakness?
Well, nobody is perfect, not even me. I think being hideously misshapen and looking like a goblin-man is my greatest weakness, my greatest obstacle to overcome.
87 If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I would change the fact that I can’t seem to digest veggies very well. I don’t know what is, either! I like taters, though- taters are precious in their own right.
88 Are you generally introverted or extroverted?
I generally keep to myself. People tend not to engage me in polite conversation when they catch sight of me, and judging by the way people look at me anyway, that suits me just fine.
89 Are you generally organized or messy?
Organized. Every fold of the sleeve has a particular knife that goes in it, and my coinpurse definitely has a certain spot on my belt.
90 Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.
Well let’s see…I’m good at stabbing things and telling a good story, plus no one can turn a cartwheel like I can. I’m not really all that great at lying public speaking, nor can I speak to walruses with any accuracy. You would think that wouldn’t matter, but there have been times where a kind word in Walrusese could have averted catastrophe.
91 Do you like yourself?
As I approach adulthood, I like myself more and more, and hope to one day be like the adventurers I emulate.
92 What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…)
I’m pretty straightforward about my ambitions. I’m an adventurer because I don’t want to be poor, and so long as I keep on doing what I’m doing, I never will be.
93 What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?
To survive to an old age because of my wits, my steel, and whatever allies I make along the way.
94 Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Alive and sitting on a pile of gold that could cover a horse. Or choke one. Those horses are cocky bastards, after all. Maybe find a couple of friends who can at least tolerate my presence. That would be nice.
95 If you could choose, how would you want to die?
Saving a friend from a giant monster, stabbing at the thing from its gullet while it chokes the life out of me, and we die together.
96 If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.
Oh man, just a day?! I’d go out and kill something big, cook it and eat, and eat some macaroni and cheese. I might try to woo an ugly girl, just for a quick romp in the sack. Who can tell, though, right? I might just spend all my time crying and blubbering about how I never accomplished anything. It’s kind of hard to say, really.
97 What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?
I want people to remember me as that ugly goblinoid fellow who made something of himself despite his limitations and those place upon him by others. I want the people to know that no matter who you are or where you’re from, you have the power to make something of yourself.
98 What three words best describe your personality?
Sincere, quiet, spontaneous.
99 What three words would others probably use to describe you?
Hideously deformed goblin.
100 If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice…) “
“All right, look man. Times are tough right now, but they won’t always be. Just take it easy and keep an open mind. Friends- like coins- turn up in the place where you least expect it. And don’t despair about finding that special someone- she just won’t be what you expect her to be, no matter how hard you look..”